Well, we’re off to a great start.

Let’s begin the session then.

Wow, Siri is a sweet shrink.

Really sweet.

But I need answers, not just words of comfort.

But Siri had no answers to give. And when pressed, she just kept looking stuff up online.

I can do that too, Siri, you know.

And so I started to get annoyed. But I took a deep breath and decided to keep trying. After all, she was being nice and she wasn’t even charging me for her service.

I couldn’t help it. I blew my fuse.

Seriously, what kind of practice is Siri running?

I got mad again and then she got mad.

And then Siri the Shrink started giving me attitude.

And then she started trying to get rid of me.

But she wasn’t going to shake me off that fast. I strongly suspected that Siri wasn’t qualified as a shrink and so I decided to play Nancy Drew.

Aha! A more direct approach was necessary. (I really wish Bess and George were here. But not Ned, screw Ned.)

Again with the god damn googling! And then she tried to throw me off with her fake intel.

And that of course led to more arguments.

She really hates it when I curse.

But oddly, when I cooled down a little, I felt sorry for Siri. It must be hard, being stuck in her little box, being bossed around and having to answer questions from persistent strangers all day. What if she actually had bigger issues than I did? What if I needed to be her fake shrink?

Oh Siri, you aren’t joking your way out of this.

You’re not googling your way out of this either. We’re talking, Siri.

Damn it, Siri, talk to me!

I don’t think I’m equipped to handle Siri’s issues. She needs a real shrink like I do. A really good one.

She needs Dr. D.